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Newsletters>
Learning Disabilities and Sibling Issues
August 2, 2007
"What about me?"
"Since I was doing OK in school, my parents just sort of
left me alone because they knew I was fine. But, I always
felt like my achievements were just not as important as my
brother's." Alicia, 27, older sibling of a brother with
learning disabilities (LD)
Siblings of children with LD often express confusion and
disappointment about getting less attention from their
parents than their sibling with LD. Due in part to parents'
limited time, their energy and focus may be on helping
their child with LD get through school and life. It can be
difficult to manage the intense needs of a child with LD
while at the same time give ample attention to the other
kids in the family. Parents often feel guilty about the
amount of attention and time given to their child with LD
and worry about ways to balance the inequities.
Here are some ways to be creative and help your other kids
feel just as special and important:
Dedicate one activity or part of the day on the weekend to
your children who don't have LD.
Spend consistent one-on-one time with your children and
express how special this time is to you.
Celebrate the academic success of all your children even if
your child with LD is doing great in school.
"I'm glad they told me."
"One thing that stands out for me from my childhood is that
my parents spent a lot of time educating me about my
brother's LD. They helped me understand that he was
struggling in school, not because he was stupid, but
because he learned differently than I did. This helped me
stand up for him and deal with it in a more positive way."
Katie, 26, older sibling of a brother with LD
"When I found out my brother had a learning disability, it
answered a lot of questions I had about him. He was having
a hard time in school and couldn’ t read very well. When he
wrote his story for Schwab Learning, that was such an
accomplishment for him — like a homerun! It took a lot of
courage because it made him face what he has — dyslexia."
William, 12, older sibling of a brother with LD
Parents need to educate themselves on the issues associated
with learning disabilities, but also include their child
with LD, his siblings, and other family members. Brothers
and sisters need to have open and honest conversations with
parents and each other about LD in order to understand and
manage the problems that arise.
Throughout these conversations, it's important to provide
siblings with opportunities to express their feelings or
concerns. Some common feelings include guilt over not
having a learning disability, anger and resentment about
getting less attention, and frustration over having to deal
with a sibling who is different. The more these issues are
out on the table, the more you and your family will be able
to manage them.
"I'm not her mom."
"It drove me crazy when I would have to pick up the slack
for my older sister. Why did I have to do so much more than
she did? My mother's expectations were just too much and I
felt so weighed down at such an early age." Marcus, 21,
younger sibling of a sister with LD
Parents typically shy away from giving a lot of
responsibility to their child with LD. Instead, the child
without LD may be given many more caregiving and household
chores. It's important to remember that kids are still just
kids, and even though they demonstrate competencies, they
can't be overburdened with responsibility.
Equalize your child's free time with the amount of time
given to chores. Try using free time as a reward for
helping out.
Gradually increase the amount of responsibility given to
your child with LD. This allows you to reduce the
expectations placed upon your child without LD. Most of
all, they like being recognized for their contributions to
the family.
Shared with the support of: © 2000, 2001, 2005 Charles and
Helen Schwab Foundation Created: 11/17/2000 Modified:
03/10/2005
About the Contributors
Jodie Dawson, Psy.D. coaches and consults with college
students with LD and AD/HD. She holds a B.S. from Cornell
University with a focus in human development and family
issues and a doctoral degree in clinical psychology from
Yeshiva University.
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